I didn’t win the lottery so I can’t buy an island in the Caribbean to run away and ignore American politics and Vladimir Putin. While still watching the news and being depressed I was overwhelmed with the image of Donald Trump and Putin being heads of state and how they would get along.

The differences are obvious: Trump has too much hair in a comb over; Putin has no hair at all on his head. The American is gaining weight each day as we watch him get larger and flabbier as the campaign continues; the Russian is overly fit and we, unfortunately, frequently get to see him show off his muscles.

The similarities are also extremely noticeable: Trump and Putin both have huge egos and seem to completely believe their own rhetoric. They both are extremely nationalistic. They both espouse homophobic ideas and policies. They both consider themselves as more interesting and intelligent than they probably are.

Now, imagine them in a room together. Trump implies that they met when doing a “60 Minutes” show which of course they didn’t. The show was filmed in two different cities at different times. But we all know that Putin had kind words calling Trump “very talented.” It seems that they recognize their own traits in each other – and they have to like themselves, don’t they?

Perhaps they will start a “bromance.” Putin can advise Trump on how to lose weight, ride a tiger, and work out with the American karate team. (Do we even have one?) In turn, Trump can teach Putin how to do a comb over (once Putin gets a wig or multiple hair transplants), how to invest all the billions that he and his cronies steal from the Russian people, and then how to declare bankruptcy if any of the deals go wrong.

At least now I can secretly smile over the image of Putin and Trump hugging each other when I still have to watch them on television sitting in my home in D.C. instead of lolling on the white sandy beach of my own Caribbean island where I would ban all news shows.